So it has just come to my attention that the next upcoming “hot button issue” in the “healthy blog world ” is going to tackle the mind-boggling issue of “how to properly eat during the holidays”. 

Oh My.

Now.  Although my blog did have ambitions leaning towards this genre I have, since its inception, pretty much completely failed at keeping to that particular topic.  Instead I have opted to discuss whatever is attracting my attention at any particular moment thus amusing myself and…well I think I have no readers so, just me at the moment.  But I do consider my own amusement pretty high on the totem pole so….SUCCESS!

That being said:

 Since I did get this little glimpse into the future I figured I could use it to my advantage and post early, thereby ensuring my status as a trendsetter.  God, I’m cool.

So here you go.  Your Official Guide to Eating Properly During Holiday Parties

1.)  Show up on time.

2.)  Say hello to your host.  (Also, bring a gift.  Booze, flowers, SOMETHING.)

3.)  Find the wine.

4.)  Take a little of everything that looks like “the-deprivation-of-that-item-might-end-your-life”.  Or if it looks like something too complicated to make yourself.  You owe the cook to try it.

5.)  Chat, sip and enjoy.

6.)  If you are still hungry/thirsty…repeat.

7.)  Chew with your mouth closed.

8.)  No burping.

9.)  No farting.

10.)  No breaking of anything that does not belong to you.  I don’t care how much you sip.  Don’t be an asshole.

11.)  Say “thank you” to your host.

12.)  Leave.  Really.  Never be the last one at the party or your hosts will hate you and you will never be invited back. 

Hah!  Done in a dozen!  How hard is that?!?!

You are welcome.

If you have any questions or need clarifications feel free to ask so I can mock you publicly.  And any additions are welcomed. 

Also, these suggestions/guidelines are good not only for holiday parties but for all parties in general, for eating out in public, for behaving in the privacy of your own home, and for just generally not being a crappy human being.

Like I said:

You’re welcome!