I have a weakness for them.  I do, in fact, love them.  Sometimes this love affair is a positive thing.  And sometimes not-so-much.  Examples include (but are not limited to) the following…

The Not-So-Much List

1.  The Ab Chair/Ab-Rocker (2001-ish):  Do you remember the foam chair with the high arms that bent every which way?  Supposed to give you a tight, toned tummy and rock hard abs.  Came with a video.  Final resting place:  after spending a considerable amount of time as an alternative closet/dresser/hamper I think it finally wound up either in a dumpster or somebody’s garage.  Either way it’s gone for good.  Thankfully.

2.  The Ab Zapper (also 2001-ish):  Not actually the name but I’m sure you’ve seen this product or some variation of it.  It’s this big ugly belt that runs on batteries that you strap around your stomach.  You then endure numerous and repeated electro-shocks to your gut.  The idea is that the involuntary muscle contraction is the same as exercising.  Of course it is.  Final resting place:  I can’t tell you how many beers I drank while sacked out in front of the t.v. with this goddamn thing on.  Not one single difference.  Except a slight heart arrhythmia (I kid).  Finally “lent” it to some chick I worked with.  Gone for good.  Thankfully.  (As a side note:  this is also arguably the dumbest and most gullible purchase by me via….oh shit…I just remembered something…)

3.  Bloussant (2002-ish):  Natural, herbal pills that make your boobs grow.  Anybody who has meet me has already been witness to the stunningly underwhelming results of this expenditure.  I was eventually contacted by one of those mass lawsuit mailings for a class action thing.  Thanks, but no thanks.  I already feel stupid enough.  Final resting place:  in the garbage.  Along with my self-respect.  Gone for good.  Thankfully.

*took quite a hiatus here.  chalk it up to either wising up (ha!) or being flat broke. *

4.  Core Rhythms (2007-ish):  A dance exercise dvd set designed to help me “drop weight and tone [my] abs the fast and fun way with rhythmic latin dance”.  I should mention that I am not now, nor have I ever been, latin.  I have also never been capable of anything that could be seriously called “dancing”.  These skinny bitches wiggled around so fast I couldn’t even keep up from the couch.  Talk about uncoordinated.  I have, however, gotten some use out of the “free” tape measure that came with the system.  Take that, suckers.  Final resting place:  currently in my basement.  In a closet.  Hidden away and never, EVER talked about (there is actually a story that goes with the purchase of this particular item.  Another time.)

And then:

The Positive Things List

1.  The Time-Life Singer/Songwriter CD Collection (nearly a decade’s worth)(2002-ish):  Freaking AWESOME!!!!  I actually only wanted one collection but was too lazy to cancel so got a bunch before I couldn’t afford anymore.  No regrets and at some point would consider doing it again (different years.  Obviously.)  Final resting place:  Still in rotation

2.  Insanity Cardio Workout (2010):  Shaun T kicks your ass with explosive, HIGH INTENSITY cardio with an inverse interval training system.  My husband was pretty irritated with me when he came home from a long night at work and I had purchased this on something of a whim.  (Who can blame him?  Look at my track record…).  However.  This is, to date, the hardest and coolest workout program I’ve ever done.  We have since suspended our gym memberships and have also purchased (and just started)…

3.  P90X (2010):  Okay so it was actually Todd’s job to get this one because I paid for Insanity (which makes sense because the purchase was all my own) but I still take a bit of credit for it.  Also, since we bought it I’ve seen the infomercial all the way through an additional three times (at least) and almost bought it twice (so obviously we would have owned it one way or another).  Why?  Because I have no self control.

So.  It seems I have something of a theme with my actual purchases, but don’t let that fool you. 

I.  Will.  Watch.  Them.  All. 

Mineral Make-up?  Yup.  Body shaper thingies?  Absolutely.  Spray-on hair?  Repeatedly.  And food-gadgets?  Don’t even get me started…

I think if I have a celebrity crush it has to be Ron Popeil.

Food dehydrator….rotissorie oven….pasta maker…and have you seen those knives?!?!  Ahhhh….*drool*….*wimper*….*sigh*.

But I digress…..what the hell was I talking about?….Ah yes.  Among other things I was discussing the “theme” of my impulse purchasing.  And upon review I think I’m pretty okay with it.  Because while it does, at first glance, seem to point solely to a vanity problem, I think I see growth here.  I am no longer drawn quite so strongly to those cheats and gimmicks that promise the proverbial “quick fix”.  No magical bullets anymore.  And, moreover, my overall goal is not so much just my outward appearance (though that is obviously a motivating factor) but rather a total and complete picture of health.  I am ready and willing to put in the work.  Not just to look good but to be healthy and to be strong and to last. 

I’ve got quite a few years left in me still.  And I plan to not only look good, but to feel good living them :).  Yay me. 🙂

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